In Your Face, Procrastination.

     It should come as no surprise to me that procrastination is still one of my worst habits. Although, habit doesn't feel like the right word here. It seems to be a much bigger problem than nail-biting, fibbing or swearing.

     Back in high school, I most enjoyed language arts and English classes. And to this day, especially when I am in the middle of some serious procrastination, I can still hear the comments of my twelfth grade teacher as he handed back my essay on "The Outsiders." He told me "I would have had a high 'A' had the assignment been handed in on time." I accepted my paper back and the very low B, borderline C grade begrudgingly. I had no one to blame but myself.

     Over a decade later, the problem is still as prevalent as ever, but I am making small strides to change this. For me, I feel great triumphs in even small strides and accomplishments. For instance, it's been a few years now that I have been wanting to submit an entry for the Vancouver Cherry Blossom Festival's annual Haiku invitational. I always go check the website, read the past winners and think 'this year I'll enter.' Of course, the deadline for entries comes and goes, and I think to myself, I guess there's next year. Only this year, I did it! As someone always captivated by the beauty of cherry blossoms, I started practicing writing haiku for a full month leading to the deadline, and I actually entered my two samples to the contest - with a day to spare!

     It's not at all about winning, although, who am I kidding, even an honourable mention would be nice. I am quite certain there are people out there more skilled with haiku writing than I - this was my first time trying! Personally, it's more about doing what I set out to, completing what I've started, so just the fact that I managed to get my entries in before the deadline made me extremely happy.

     On a larger scale, pursuing a possible career in writing, has been something I have been thinking about for about a decade. I was writing up a frenzy and even had some online readers 'back in the day.' All of their comments were super positive, saying things like 'Are you sure you're not published?' and 'make sure you tell us when you are.' That might be over ten years ago now, but it was those comments that inspired me to consider if this hobby of mine could be something more.

     Then, of course, life got in the way and took me on a journey ninety degrees to the left. Years later, I am back on this course, and the idea of being published has reborn; I am doing what I can make this happen. I've attended the Surrey International Writer's Conference, pitched to an agent (they were interested = YAY!), joined the Romance Writer's Association and local Greater Vancouver Chapter (a group which - according to an email I found in my 'keep' folder - I initially inquired about registration with, back in 2008! If that wasn't a whopping example of my procrastination problem, I don't know what is). Recently, I have also taken an online class about preparing and editing the final project for submitting to agents.

    I still find it very hard to stay focused, but as difficult as it is at times, I barrel onwards because I do want to make this happen. I know, just like receiving the poor grade on an otherwise outstanding essay, the only reason for this not to become reality, is if I don't stick with it and do what I need to do to make that happen. Specifically, to show procrastination the door and close it in it's face.  Here's hoping!

The Inner Workings of Me.: Devastating Reality: Millions of Lives Lost.

The Inner Workings of Me.: Devastating Reality: Millions of Lives Lost.: I was just reading the alarming page that compiles the growing occurrences of massive fish deaths. The headline should actually read Millio...

Devastating Reality: Millions of Lives Lost.

I was just reading the alarming page that compiles the growing occurrences of massive fish deaths. The headline should actually read Millions of Marine Lives Lost rather than Fish.

With this particular article, it's impact hit harder with each example provided that linked to local news articles from when the tragic mystery occurred in their area.

The main article can be seen here: http://www.dcclothesline.com/2014/05/21/mass-fish-deaths-millions-found-dead-world-past-month/

Dolphins, Sea Lions, Starfish, Turtles, along with the various fish species, have been turning up dead or close to it, in astonishing numbers, right across the globe. Kentucky, New York, Minnesota, San Diego, Singapore, Australia, Canada, are a few of the examples. Examples that, in my opinion, should cause alarm to everyone.

Many difference theories to determine the root causes are considered. Many of the articles reporting the local devastation, claim it's a mystery. I'm not so quick to accept that. Here are some possible explanations:

This could be the major repercussions of the earthquake in Japan resulting in the Fukushima Nuclear Plant exploding and dumping TONNES of hyper-radioactive materials into the oceans. At the time, there were predictions made of what the impact to the oceans could be. I live in the Pacific North West, we've seen continuous debris wash up on shore here ever since that earthquake. If physical debris has been washing ashore, it's not too hard to believe that radio-active materials have reach our shorelines as well. Many of the locations witnessing these occurrences are along coastlines.

In the Gulf and waterways nearby, or to/from the Gulf of Mexico, this could also be the residual affects, a heartbreaking reminder of the horrific BP spill. The Gulf IS still wracked with oil. I can still remember watching this catastrophic event unfold with tears in my eyes. Absolutely devastating. Reviewing those videos now are still painful, but they reminds us that, just because a few years have passed, doesn't mean the effects of this disaster have.

An obvious culprit could also be global warming. With the continual melting of the ice-caps and glaciers, the depletion of O2 in the oceans and waterways, is just one of the results.

Whatever the true causes of this alarm loss of marine life, this is devastating. I, personally, do not believe just one is to blame but rather an accumulation of situations resulting in unlivable conditions in the oceans and waterways. And, although all these causes are devastating in their own right, it's the toxic radio-active materials that I find very concerning.

If this is what we are witnessing now? What will we be seeing in the months and years to come? With the scale of Earth's oceans and waterways compared to land, and how the places seeing these massive deaths are spread across the globe, I am extremely worried. For the creatures of the oceans, and for all of us.
 

(An aside:) I will be the first to admit that I'm not an overly religious person. It's not that I don't believe that there is a God(s), while I lean on the side of evolutionary evidence, I still find myself talking out loud asking whomever he/she is for assistance for time to time.
Someone did post a quote from the Bible in the comments at the end of the article:

Hosea 4:3 Therefore shall the land mourn, and every one that dwelleth therein shall languish, with the beasts of the field, and with the fowls of heaven; yea, the fishes of the sea also shall be taken away.

What do YOU think?


 

The Inner Workings of Me.: The Train Keeps Rolling: Eighty Thousand Words & C...

The Inner Workings of Me.: The Train Keeps Rolling: Eighty Thousand Words & C...:      I have long since discovered how easy it is to over-estimate progress. When I attended the Surrey International Writer's Conferenc...

The Train Keeps Rolling: Eighty Thousand Words & Counting...

     I have long since discovered how easy it is to over-estimate progress. When I attended the Surrey International Writer's Conference last year, even the agent I pitched to had a sneaking suspicion that I wasn't as close to the finish line as I thought I was.

     Fortunately for me, this little known reality didn't deter her from asking for my first three chapters by saying something along the lines of "Whenever you do get it completed, send it here." She requested it be around 80-85,000 words. I was hovering around 72,000 at the time, but already had an idea of what chapters were needed and what areas I needed to revisit (ie. quickly added scenes that needed reworking).

    At the start of the May, I joined the "Edit the Heck Out of it" 30-day intensive online course led by Beth Daniels. It's the first class I have taken since 2005, and first online class ever. The very first lectures were about checking for info gaps, info dumps and also checking over transitions; transitions between paragraphs, scenes, chapters. Being a self-defined 'scene-writer' I knew this would be an area that would require a lot of time. I was already aware that I needed to work in transitions so my scenes can be developed into chapters. Now was the time for me to get cracking!

     Time, you see, is still not on my side. It's nearly the end of the month and I am still ploughing my way through my manuscript. As you can rightly assume, many more lectures have come and gone. And yes, I have read each one as it has come about, remarking on just how much I can tell these editing steps, tips, suggestions will help improve my story. I am not even there yet and the information is invaluable.

     Early on I reasoned with myself, that as long as I am making progress, there's no reason to stress out that I am miles behind this editing process. I can't put the wagon before the horse. The fact that I am okay with this, says tons!

     I tend to be a busy-minded individual; I hardly get an reasonable amount of sleep because my mind is reeling. The same problem presents itself in my writing. I usually am working in multiple scenes of the book at the same time - whenever a scene would present itself, I had to write it. It's very distracting and can sometimes seem like less work is actually getting accomplished.

     By forcing myself to focus on going from the start of my story, through each scene, into the next, I have gained confidence in the process. And even in my more in my work itself.

     Today, I am at 82,000 words. That's a comfortable number because I still have a little ways to go until the end, which leaves me with room for the words needs for remaining transitions.

     The train not only has rolled out of the station, but is rolling along steadily toward it's final destination. I am so much more excited to get to the finish line, and more motivated than ever!

 

The Inner Workings of Me.: Operation: Recovery

The Inner Workings of Me.: Operation: Recovery:      I deal with a handful of 'invisible' medical conditions. I don't think anyone understands exactly how exhausting that is....

Operation: Recovery

     I deal with a handful of 'invisible' medical conditions. I don't think anyone understands exactly how exhausting that is. The fact that I can maintain my performance at my job often is a success in itself; many days just making it to work, through work, and home again is an outstanding accomplishment. And I know I should be thankful for the fact that I get to do that. Go to work. And believe me, I am. As I know there are many out there, battling with a handful of medical conditions of their, invisible or otherwise, and are unable to work. It really is a matter of being grateful for what you have.

     One of the conditions I am faced with daily is Endometriosis. The main symptoms are pain in the pelvis area (abdomen and even the lower back region) and extreme fatigue. While it isn't curable, there are procedures to reduce, at least temporarily, the pain experienced. Last week, I had an operation to remove a cyst from one ovary, and remove endometriosis from the other ovary - as well as my pelvic area. In the pre-procedure appointment, my specialist estimated I would need 1-2 weeks for recovery time. At first, I figured he was over-estimating that time, just to be on the safe side. Now that I am just at the one week marker, I realize he was right on target. For me, I can honestly say I underestimated the impact of the procedure. I have had a laparoscopy once before, for endometriosis. The last time the growth of endometriosis was only on the wall of my pelvis. Perhaps because this procedure involved both of my ovaries...maybe this is why the pain and discomfort persists? I can only speculate. I personally expected to be back at work today! That didn't happen. With how physically exhausted I still am, and the pain in my abdomen - albeit better, I am doubtful that tomorrow will be the day either.

     It's just hard for me to just relax. I am learning this with each passing day. It's one thing to come home after work and unwind after ones' day, but it seems to be another thing all together to honestly rest and recover, and truly relax. I feel like I should be getting chores done, accomplishing something - anything. Since, small efforts seem like monumental physical exertions, I may need to accept the fact that things can wait. There will be another day to catch up on chores. For today, right now, I just need to stop worrying about all I am not doing when I am simply lying around. And just be.

     I thought a positive in all of this, along with a successful procedure which hopefully will give me another year with minimized pain caused by endometriosis, would be that I would have time to write. Write and read, that was the plan. It was frustrating to realize I had no focus for either. I would crack open a book and the words would blur before my eyes. Just as it would when I opened a word document to work on my book. A friend made a very wise, apparently true statement the other day: That nothing special would be created during a time if I have to force the effort. This blog entry, and a few practice Haikus sums up my writing success during the past week. Hopefully as each day passes toward me being back to normal, these examples will grow in number. Until then, I will simply have to accept that...it is what it is.

      The bewildering thing is, even though I have a valid reason for it, I actually feel guilty about each day I miss at work (and each day I am not producing with my story). I feel the need to hop to it, get on with my recovery and get back to work. Not that there is any way to rush the body as it heals.

     I guess the lesson of the day, or more appropriately the week, is acceptance. If it's something I cannot change, ie the time it takes for my body to recovery from this particular operation, to learn to accept that and relax and everything will work out in due time. Life has a way of reminding us of this, doesn't it?